There are a lot of uncomfortable words in the English language.
Like moist. And a lot of uncomfortable phrases or statements in the English language. Like, ‘I’m just not that into you.’ ‘You have spinach in your teeth.’ ‘I don’t want a relationship with you.’ ‘I love you.’ Followed by ‘Thank you’, instead of being reciprocated. But one of the worst statements or rather questions any single person can be asked is the dreaded, ‘so why are you still single?’
Ummmmmmmmm…… am I right ladies? It’s awkward and uncomfortable, for everyone involved.
What is the proper response? Well, my ex was controlling. The ex after him cheated on me repeatedly. An ex years ago left me to be with his ex-wife again. One of my exes literally just stopped responding to me. And the guys here and there in between? Just not that into me?
Truth be told, I have no idea why I’m still single sometimes.
I think I’m awesome. Fun, talkative, pretty. Responsible (most the time). I earn my own money, pay my own bills. I volunteer in the community. I am a good friend, sister. I try to be honest, kind and generally a good person. So what did I do wrong?
Who fucking knows why anyone is still single. Sometimes I think it’s meant to be a compliment. But I’d rather you say anything else to be nice. Because usually I’m just awkwardly trying to defend myself while trying not to shit talk an ex.
In dating, which sometimes feels like a job interview, you get asked a lot of the same questions over and over.
I notice myself saying a lot of the same things, canned response like my sales pitch. But for myself. I’ve been asked this twice in the last week.
The first guy asked me, who would divorce you? So not the same exact statement but similar. And he did mean it as a compliment. It was followed by you are such a babe, I don’t know why anyone would ever leave you. While it was nice, I was left in the same awkward place, not wanting to talk about my divorce on a first date and trying to make myself look good.
The second guy just simply text it in one of our first conversations. And again, while I think it was supposed to be a compliment. I simply answered him, well I’m newly single, divorced recently and the first man I dated after cheated on me with 3 women I know about and got one of them pregnant. Then I waited in fear while I waited for him to respond while thinking I should have sugar coated it a lot more. He did respond with what he said was going to be a TMI. I told him to be fair… I just blurted out the worst things that have happened in my relationship life that all went down in the last 6 months. He then told me how much he liked me. Side note, this guy is someone I know on an acquaintance level. A Facebook friend request opened the door to our first and somewhat revealing conversation. And possibly a date on Saturday.
I say possibly because there is a hiccup…. he’s someone I know through work. And look how well the last one I knew through work worked out. It ended with losing a valuable team member and what remains to be one of the top 3 awkward conversations you will ever have with your boss. So I’m not super eager to cause more problems. and/or cause another loss for my team and company.
I’m off track though.
The point here is why do men (or women) ask this?
Isn’t there a better way to get the information you want then just blurting it out and causing awkwardness within a short while of knowing one another? Do you really want to know all the dirty details? If we stay together long enough you would probably figure it out. So maybe save it for like the 10th date. Or never. [clickToTweet tweet=”There are always 3 sides to every story. Yours, theirs, and the truth.” quote=”There are always 3 sides to every story. Yours, theirs, and the truth.”]
So thanks for asking. But now I’m awkward and defensive. And hopefully, I come up with a better way to respond then blurting out revealing details about my past.
Until then. #awkwardsilence
Xoxo- J
Am I the only one this happens to? Or is it a common occurrence?
