To Follow or Not to Follow: The Social Media Debate

So the day has finally come.

I’m sure I only have myself to blame. I had unblocked the cheater and the X from social media. Why? I guess because part of me wanted him to come back to me. Either of them. Yep, turns out I’m a masochistic dumbass. I told my therapist about it so it’s not a secret really but some part of me still likes that the X checks my Instagram story. Even though I don’t understand it. He checks my story but never responded to anything else I have had to say the last month. Then again, I was kind of a crazy person…

Onto the story at hand…

I was looking at Snapchat tonight and low and behold the cheater had added me… and I waited and pondered and drank a few beers then I added him back. Wtf J!! He ripped your heart out. Told your boss you were unprofessional and a whore in so many words, called you delusional, made you a crazy person for months, wrecked your marriage, and your second chance, quit the team during a busy week, text you how happy he was with that ugly skank the night of your big award win and more. Well, you’ve seen it in writing so you know.

My inner self-protection bitch is out in full force.

I clearly need her because even my boss said don’t let him creep back in. And I did!! Wtf is wrong with me. Someone slap me, please. Part of me just really wants to show him how happy I am and tell him to go fuck himself when he does reach out. But the other part of me that still fucking cares… and that part? She’s not strong enough to handle this. Considering I’ve been on a slippery slope to a straight jacket lately. In between crying and shots of Jose Cuervo, it’s been a rocky road for me the last few days.

Today is the first day I felt good again.

I ran tonight. I hung out with a guy. Made out a bit. I don’t want the cheater back. Fiona won and she can have him because I don’t feel like such a loser anymore. He lost me and I’m fucking awesome. And what else? It was so fucking gratifying that he added me. I didn’t call or text or stalk him on social media (that he knows about). I didn’t act out the revenge fantasies that I found on Google. He misses me and I’m vindicated. And friends, I think that’s enough. So now I just need to block his ass again. He doesn’t deserve me and ultimately I got what I wanted. He reached out. Now it’s my turn to rip his heart out. Figuratively speaking, I’m not that crazy.