To Follow or Not to Follow – Part Two: Reject Him

The follow up to an earlier conversation answering the age old question, should I follow my ex after a breakup? I now now know the answer. Don’t follow…

Public Service Announcement – 1: Don’t drunk dial.

So….it’s safe to say that I should never drink again or before I do, I need someone to take protective custody of my phone. I knew it was a slippery slope being “friends” again with the cheater. My plan to handle my emotions and reject him…. failed miserably. Like real bad. So, the lesson here? Learn from my mistakes and humiliation. Unfollow, block, do all the things you can do to keep yourself safe from horrible exes creeping back in.

After a week of following but not interacting, waiting and waiting for him to say he missed me or something, I drank too much and snapped at him. Are we seeing a pattern here?

Alcohol is the devil, and not your friend when trying to “win” a social media wait out.
You can’t be social media friends with someone who ripped your heart out.
If you do decide to drink, leave your phone at home.

So he didn’t respond, as per usz. He just continued to watch my stories and say nothing. Until he did. I posted a cryptic song lyric, hoping he would know it was about him. Dumbass.

The Chainsmokers – Honest

“And I’m not gonna tell you that I’m over it
‘Cause I think about it every night I’m not sober, and
I know I keep these feelings to myself
Like I don’t need nobody else
But you’re not the only one on my mind

If I’m being honest”

Yes, I’m pathetic, but we already knew that. As I drove to Seattle the next day, sure enough I got a ? In response from him. That’s it? A damn question mark? I responded and said it’s a song. He responded mmmhmmm. To which I responded, “Take it how you want, but not everything in the world is about you.” Lies….

Later that night before drinking I sent him this message:

“My sober self and my drunk self don’t always see eye to eye. Or my heart just hasn’t caught up still with my head. You ripped my heart out and ruined what should have been one of the best nights in my life and my career. That message coupled with losing you damn near killed me. You hurt me, the team, and embarrassed me in front of my boss. Then waited two months to pop back up because you have some sort of radar or something that I’m finally moving on, finally getting over you and/or you just didn’t hurt me sufficiently the first time. I don’t want to hurt like that ever again. So I would have to be delusional, drunk, or both to let you in again. You don’t want me and you are bad for me. You made that perfectly clear. I’m flattered that you want to check back in on me though. I can’t do any of it again though. “

And then???? He didn’t respond per usz.

Another day passed with no response. I snapped a picture of me looking adorable with my best cleavage showing. He responded, Damn! I returned the favor with a ? He said, your picture. I told him he didn’t answer my question in the Snap, but instead stared at my boobs for 10 seconds? He responded, “Yes”. In reference to staring at my boobs for 10 seconds.

Public Service Announcement – 2: Don’t get super drunk when you are already vulnerable.

Now here’s where the situation goes awry. I could feel my self discipline melting away as I drank my 3rd IPA (2 is usually my limit). I told him to we needed to stop talking because I was becoming angry about the cheating situation, the quitting during a busy work week without notice, the posting me on Craigslist, and the nasty text he sent me the night of my big award win. Only to pop back up two months later after he told me that “he loves (Fiona) and is excited about his future with her”, “he ended things with me personally and professional [actually I found out he was cheating and ended things with him], and that I was “no longer part of his life and needed to accept that”. He responded, LOL. I became irrationally angry. And then it started.

Friends, I’m not proud of what transpired the rest of the night. But I will tell you anyway. I lost all control as happens when I head into The Crazy Place and sent a slew of messages to him bitching him out. So, there went my cool, nonchalant attitude toward our situation.

SnapMessage — Screenshot of the actual snap sent to the Cheater

But then it got worse. He blocked me on Snap, which made me angrier. So I drunk emailed him…

And then it got even worse. I decided to message HER, Fiona, the one he got pregnant, and out him for trying to connect with me again while she’s pregnant. I told her to reign her baby daddy in and tell him to stop snapping me. She called me crazy and said she’d love to see proof. Well obviously she doesn’t know how Snapchat works but it doesn’t save and I didn’t screenshot it. I couldn’t prove it and now I just look crazy. I was crazy. A furious crazy bitch possessed me and I spewed a lot of nasty shit at her too.

I woke up feeling regret. I apologized to her. But I don’t think I should really have to. She slept with my boyfriend and got pregnant. Yet, I’m still the crazy one here.

So it’s safe to say I should have left him blocked. Lesson learned. Now I have him blocked again, everywhere. And I will NEVER unblock again. So unless he mails me a letter, shows up at my house, or God forbid we run into each other in public, I never have to see or talk to him again. This also answers my question, to follow or not to follow. Don’t follow. Unfollow. And block. He’s bad for me. That crazy girl that is still incredibly angry and hurt needs someone to protect her. She’s sensitive and can’t protect herself after all this time still.

And what else? He doesn’t deserve me or any interaction with me. He did this. He chose this. He caused this. Also true? He deserved every nasty thing I said to him. And yet he couldn’t even handle that. No apology, no remorse. Nope, he is bored in his situation and hoping to cheat on his pregnant girlfriend with me.

Public Service Announcement – 3: Don’t Snapchat Under the Influence.

I’m not that girl to help him cheat. I lived through it, so even though I’m angry with him, I wouldn’t cause that pain to her. And the crazy? I claim temporary insanity. He changed me. Grief has changed me. It messes with your mind. And him? He fucks up people’s lives. I’m not my awesome, normally sane self sane around him.

Public Service Announcement – 4: Don’t Follow

So friends, I beg you. Don’t follow. Keep him (or her) blocked and keep moving forward. Let the crazy go. And above all else, don’t drunk text… or email…